9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
