Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
