Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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