You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When did angry sex become our thing?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
