Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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