I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Houston, we have a squirter
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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