The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
