I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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