You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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