You're so nebulous sometimes
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
