I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
