i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
