Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
