cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
