There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
