I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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