But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize