i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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