haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
