i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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