He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
