I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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