when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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