I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
