Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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