if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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