he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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