There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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