the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
