Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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