Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
