im holly from the hills drunk
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
