My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize