i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize