are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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