Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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