ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
