I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize