A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
