Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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