I cockslap morals
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
