i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
