So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
