I will die if light touches me.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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