pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
