Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
