Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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