He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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