i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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