chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
