he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize