After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
