i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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