I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
