It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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