There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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