Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
