Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
