Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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