I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
