Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
