dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
