yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
