I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
