I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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