omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
