lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
