i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize