he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
