you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
