I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
