If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
