well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
