No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize