I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
