I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
