she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
