Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
