And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
