I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
not ubering you a puppy
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
