i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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