i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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