do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
