We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
