i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
